her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
