Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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