If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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