I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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