dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
