there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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