Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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