I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
