I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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