if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
