im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
