She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
