guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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