Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
