I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
