Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
