I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
