dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
