I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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