dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
