Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
