So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
one might say we're banned from that church
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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