He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
