Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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