It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
