i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you didnt know i had herpes?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize