we made out on top of his cat.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
