he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
