but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
