Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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