im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
