Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
