This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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