There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
