I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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