I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
