She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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