either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize