i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
where am i from again
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
