i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
