There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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