You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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