sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
