I wish I could teleport
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
