He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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