pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
