Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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