So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
