If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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