tell your sister to shave her snatch
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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