Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
